The Holly Jollies: depression and holidays

This time of year is so delightful. shopping and hot chocolate, peppermint everything, lots of parties and friends. Many people celebrating all kind of religious faiths. Yet for so many people, this special time of year is hard.

Why is it hard?

Here’s a few reasons why you may get the holiday blues

1. seasonal depressive symptoms

   • if you live somewhere with extreme weather during this season where you are forced to say indoors due to extreme, cold, heat, or natural disasters, your body may react with depressive symptoms

2. pressure to spend time with family

   1. many cultures prioritize spending time with family this time of year. For some of us, that’s a delightful annual party with loved ones. for others is a minefield of dodging past trauma and reliving childhood nightmares.

      1. If spending time with your family or origin or other pressuring folks is making you dread this time of year, its time to set some boundaries. If your family won’t listen to the truth “I am not attending" because I don’t want to this year” then I believe now is the time for you to come down with… the flu. or covid. Or a big work/school project. If family won’t believe/accept the truth, then they have already proven they cannot be trusted and I encourage you to set boundaries and even lie if you have to to protect yourself.

   2. Many of us who do have boundaries with family still feel shame and dread about having to hold these boundaries. If this is the case, remember that they are the ones who are forcing you to be firm and hold the boundaries. If they had accepted the boundary and backed off this wouldn;t be something you had to firmly hold and remind them of.

3. financial stress

   1. While some of you may be well enough off that the task of planning parties, holiday dinners, buying gifts, and purchacing plane tickets, most everyone I know struggles to afford these things. The anger and sense of doom many of us feel facing the financial stress of the holidays is huge and overwhelming. I love shopping and I love buying gifts for others, but budgeting for this many extra expenses can be an impossible task for many. When you feel overcome by the finances of it all, remember that you are set up for failure by consumerism. Instead, try prioritizing 2-5 holiday financial decisions and let the rest go with joy.

      1. Prioritizing can be hard. Consider what this time of year actually means to you. not your family or your culture, but to you specifically. Then consider what goals you can set within those priorities. everything outside of that is automatically off the list.

4. evaluation of self

   1. nothing makes us want to be cozy, happy, and loved like the winter holiday time of year. For folks who are not living their best hallmark movie love story right now, so much of this season points out the “tragedy” of being alone. If you don’t have community right now, this season may point out what you don’t have, rather than celebrating what you do have.

   2. new years resolutions are another self evaluation process that often points out to us how much we aren’t doing. the idea of setting intentions for a new year is a lovely one, but pressure to set and meet fitness, professional, or romantic goals often adds stress rather than providing structure.

   3. this time of year villainizes being alone. Stories about Scrooge or the Grinch make living alone seem like a poison that may infect us if we are alone too long. this is compounded with the emphasis on romantic connection and can invalidate the comradery of friends and community as “substitutes“ for “the one”.

      1. also, many holiday movies push a “the one” notion and the idea that we are miserable until we meet that one magical person that changes our lives and sweeps us off on a pine-scented fairytale.

These are common reasons to give yourself some grace this holiday season. You are on your own path and it has it’s own unique timing. Don’t let anyone make you believe that you are “behind“ or “too much” Your journey is yours. Remember to set boundaries with loved ones, take breaks from the stress, and allow winter holidays to be what they are.

Many winter holidays are a reminder that darkness isn’t forever, and that like seasons, we also go through cycles of rest and change. Whatever you’re going through, it too will pass.

Stay warm,

Ren