Buying gifts for your partner

Happy holidays everyone!

this post is specifically for those who struggle to give their loved ones gifts. Particularly if your partner is one of those people who just looove gift giving. I am here to explain why and what is important about gifts in the hope that it may help you this year.

Why some people love gifts: Okay, here it is. I am a person who really loves to give and receive gifts from loved ones. So here’s your chance to hear it from a gift-lover. Gifts are about being loved. Unless your partner specifically tells you otherwise, gifts are not about the price tag. Gifts are also not about having “something” to open.

Here is what ideally a gift says:

• I, your adoring loved one, listened to you talk about what you like.

• I then remembered something you care about enough to go shop for it.

• because I love you, I spent energy to obtain that special thing.

• Now, in front of you, I am demonstrating how much I think about you, and how much spending energy to bring you joy is worth it.

That may seem like an impossible task, but it isn’t. the trick here is to plan ahead.

• how to succeed at gift giving

  • start taking notes 3-6 months before the gift giving occasion on things your partner wants. they won’t just be staring out a window wistfully and say “*sigh* the upcoming occasion would be just perfect if only I had this super specific item, that someone, not me, could purchase at this particular store.” here are some examples:

    • “wow, there’s a new set of queer Bratz dolls coming out in june. I love brats. I collect them... and my birthday is in june. I’m so excited to see these dolls when they come out.”

    • “My favorite comedian is coming to Austin in May, how cool is that! It’s a shame that the tickets are a bit out of my price range, it would be so awesome to go see the show.”

    • “damn, my gaming headphones are too big for me and they are uncomfortable to wear for very long. I saw some pink ones that come in smaller sizes recently. It feels silly to buy a new pair when these ones still work. oh well. I just wish they were comfortable.”

    • (yes all three of these are real examples that real exes of mine missed.)

  • Jot down ideas as you hear them in case you don’t remember. remember to cross an idea off the list if your loved one obtains the gift before the gift-giving occasion.

• one month out

  • pick the gift and purchase it (or make it!)

    • remember, a gift may be an item, but it also may be an experience, like a concert, or a weekend trip. Sometimes buying the gift can be part of the gift (e.g. they want a new outfit, so you plan a whole Saturday where you take them out shopping, buy them lunch, and give them a budget)

    • remember that “specialness” adds to the sensation that they are worth your time and energy. If its an item, wrap it. if its tickets, get a card, if its an event, plan the event, including parking, timing, and food. (often the labor of decision making is part of the gift)

• one week out

  • wrap or organize the gift

  • double check any relevant details if applicable

    • things like:

      • does the item need batteries or a cleaning solution?

      • can I write in/on the gift? (a book or similar may be improved with a little love note written inside)

      • are there other expenses at the event? like cash only parking, or souvenirs?

      • is a certain kind of outfit required?

      • will we be hungry?

• day of

  • make sure whatever physical items you need to give are with you. if you are forgetful, go ahead where it needs to go the night before, or lay it with your keys or phone.

• upon giving the gift

  • show your excitement about how excited you expect them to be. (don’t just be like “oh, uh, here, whatever”)

  • tell them the “story” of how you obtained this gift.

    • salient features are often things like:

      • how you knew they wanted it

      • how long ago you started planning

      • any difficulties in procuring the gift

      • and struggle to keep the gift as secret

• even if your loved one doesn’t like what you bought, the thoughtfulness, follow-through, and energy are a gift themselves.

I can’t say that this is a fool-proof method. But, as a person who always “wins” gift giving and then struggles to not be disappointed when my partner forgot, this will help. Gift giving is about displaying thoughtfulness. There are endless ways to do that, but this post will give you a place to start.

good luck!

Ren